Week 32: Deep Breaths

Lately I've been catching myself taking a lot of deep breaths. It's not like I'm short of breath - I can breathe just fine. My lungs aren't slacking off and the air around here is as clean as can be.

It happens when there's too much going on. And it happens when the lack of everything becomes too much to bear.

It happens when I miss the past so much that I'll do anything to keep my present from moving forward. It happens when my heart is already beating over-time, as if the space between now and the future is a race.

It happens when I wish the room was filled with other breaths, fast and slow and feeling. It happens when I wish that I could blow a giant bubble and just float away inside, alone.

It happens when the moment is nothing else but the crowd, the screams, the lyrics. It happens when the real world turns on the house lights and shows us all ourselves.

It happens when I stop myself from lashing out, shouting back. It happens after, when my throat is searing because those words burn me as much as they burn you.

It happens when this little place makes me itch to break down the walls. It happens when the cool air outside chills my chest right through.

It happens a lot, lately. In and out and in and out. Filling up my lungs with the air that once filled a million other pairs. The air that once started speeches and sustained kisses and in one sharp intake was the last.

In

and

out

and

in

and

out.

It happens a lot, but at least

it happens.